I'm 37. If You're In Your 20s or 30s, Watch This | Birthday Stream

Today is uh a not so special day, but it is the day that I was born. Um and uh I'll read some stuff to piss some people off in the comments just to get things cracking. How's that sound? Um don't say I never did anything for you. Then I'll uh I'll uh I'll chat about some stuff that I think might be a perfect segue for today. Is that cool? And then we'll do some quick Q& A's and um and this is all part for those of you who are joining in of my 30 for30, you know, as said I'm going to try and do live for 30 daysish. Um, and so yeah, let's uh let's begin with the tweet that has pissed everyone off. Um, your level of maturity is inversely correlated with how much you want other people to celebrate your birthday. I've never admired anyone who insisted his birthday was a big deal. And uh, I want to be really clear. I think celebrating other people's birthdays, absolutely honoring people for being alive, for making this far, all for it. I think the difference is when you demand everyone do it for you. I think that's where that's where you get the uh this is my birth week, this is my birth month, uh all that kind of stuff. And I think that is uh I think that is the wrong direction on entitlement. Um my two cents obviously, you know, it's all it's worth and you can take it for for what it is. Um but uh on this uh not so special day, um one of my uh one of my team texted me this thing, which is my favorite text of the day, uh and he said, "Today is the day Genghask Khan died and you were born." quote from the con. There is no good in anything until it is finished. Um, and I love that. Uh, it's all about starting what you finish. And so, um, I'll read this to you because I've had a lot of deeper thoughts on my mind lately as I think you when you hit whatever deadlines you have. Stand tall. Don't crack. Endure. You can die tomorrow. Today, you do the only thing you can do. You fight. You rage on. You do what you came to do. You finish what you started. No matter how much it costs, how long it takes, or how much it hurts because you said you would. Being cringe is the tax you pay when you start to prove to the world that you care more about what you want than how you look. One of the things that no one tells you about delayed gratification is that once you learn how to do it, you keep doing it until you die. And then what you delayed never happens. Your goals will become easier to accomplish when you become harder to distract. Whenever you get worried about not achieving your goals, just remember there's plenty of room at the top because the majority of people are just whiny, overweight, in debt little [ __ ] You'll blow past them so fast it'll look like they're standing still because they are. Be more dangerous than the forces that hope to destroy you. Make reality your [ __ ] today. If you do not have courage, nothing else matters. So, with that being said, as our as our premise for today, as we get cracking and lacking, um, I thought I would uh I had I had this little little video that I put some notes together for you that I think you might like. Um, I think the goal of youth is optionality and the goal of adulthood is commitment. And these two things are at odds. And I think that at some point, um, you have to reconcile which one you are. Are you still stuck uh to your youth or have you decided to become an adult? An adult means you you eliminate alternatives. You you walk through oneway doors where you know you can't walk back. Um it's it's difficult to undo a marriage. It's difficult to uh to impossible uh possible but not really uh to undo a child, right? Um there are some one-way doors. And I think that um a lot of the best things in life come on the other side of commitments. And I think that we have a society that overemphasizes the value of optionality. And the reason that I said what I said earlier, which is that if you delay gratification, optionality in a lot of ways is delaying gratification. It's this idea that I'll keep my options open. But the thing is is that options only have value when they are exercised. And until you exercise them, they are valueless. It's like dying at the end of your life with as an ant that put a big pile of crumbs that you never ate, right? At some point, you have to pull the trigger. You have to make the call. You have to make the decision. You have to cut off one future. And so I think what's interesting is that when you make that decision, it means that you're going to decide that one thing is more important than another, which means that you also open yourself up for criticism, which I think a lot of people have a lot of difficulty with. And so I want to give you 10 priorities, which make no sense at all because priority uh only recently in English vernacular was ever even used in the plural. Until about 1950, it was only priority. There's only one because only one thing can come first, right? That's how it works. But here's are 10 things that most people say are incredibly important. And so how how do we make sense of them? So number one, we have community, giving back to your community. We have romance, marriage, your partner. We have parenting for your children. We have family, so to your siblings and to your parents and your cousins, etc. We have recreation, so having fun, relaxing. We have friends, spending time, etc. We have your career, your career aspirations, professional aspirations, your physical health, you have your spiritual health, and then you've got your personal growth. And so that's 10 different elements of life. And if I were to ask you to prioritize them, you will have a different priority than the person next to you. And so the reason this is really interesting is that if somebody looks at your list and it is different than theirs, they will call yours wrong because you do not live your life the way that they would prefer. And that is why they're [ __ ] [ __ ] All right? Like we don't have to like we don't have to live according to anyone else's preferences. you have to follow the law, but besides that, you're pretty much free to do whatever you want. And we are so shackled by the idea that other people don't like what we're doing. It's like great. That's why they have their life to do what they want to do with. And so what's interesting is that you get to pick your regrets or they will be chosen for you. Real. And so whenever you invest in any of those 10 things, you pull away from others, right? If you add an hour here, you take an hour from here. We have a zero- sum life when it comes to to time, right? And I do have one interesting tactical strategy that has helped me uh navigate these, but I think the biggest one is just in understanding that you will live an imperfect life period. Like you cannot have a house by the mountains in isolation and then also be walking distance from restaurants and then also be on the beach and also be skiing, ski out. It doesn't work. And you can't have a rich neighborhood if you want to be in isolation. Now, all of these things are okay to want. It's just that they will not they literally sit in a they're they're they're conflicting they're conflicting priorities. And so whenever you say and you make a decision in your life, people will take the equal opposite extreme. So if it's literally the uh the upset spouse, right? You you know wife comes in and says, "Hey, do I look, you know, do you look good in this dress?" You say, "Yeah, this you look great in this dress." She's like, "Oh, so I don't look good whenever I'm not wearing this dress." That is what people will do to whatever decisions you make because they're too cowardly to make them themselves. And I really mean this. Like people are [ __ ] cowards. They're they're they walk around afraid. They they they they don't want consequences. They don't want conflict because they think that other people's opinions about their lives matter more than their own. And it's ridiculous. You must make trades. You have to make a trade. And I love the the definition of the word decadere because it's Latin, but the root of it means to cut off. And it's just what what future are we cutting off today? And I think that that is and I think as I'm you know I've I'm at an annual little date for myself since I look back on on the last year. Um and I think that your maturity level is directly related to the amount of commitments that you have made the number of people who rely on you. And if those commitments are the elimination alternatives, it means that you've cashed in optionality, right? You've chosen to do things in lie of others. And so even if you were to divide your life into 12 hours per day. So let's assume that you've got four hours for eating, showering, you know, hygiene, all the you living, right? And let's say 12 hours is your the hours that you can just be focused, right, on anything. If you were to divide those, we've got those 10 things that I outlined. If you were to give an hour and, you know, 10 minutes per day to each of those things, it's like, okay, you're going to do an hour and 10 minutes to your career, an hour and 10 minutes to your spirituality, an hour to 10 minutes to your your your family, an hour and 10 minutes to your kids, an hour and 10 minutes to your uh relaxation time, an hour and 10 minutes to your physical health. Like, you go through it and it's just like, I can't I can't do it all. It's like, right, you have to make [ __ ] trades. It's what it is. And so I'll just say as somebody who has I would say minmaxed to a degree on some of those traits um really helpful to just order them for yourself. Which of these is most important for you? And and here's the here's the this is the one tactical tip I've got. This is this is it. This is my one tactical tip. Try to do things that check multiple boxes. So, for example, the reason that lifting with friends is so valuable to me, um, is that I lift with people I work with who I'm also friends with. And so, it checks off recreation. It checks off a degree of of of career growth. It checks off physical health. Um, and so I get three or four boxes checked from this one one activity. And so, I'm able to block more time with it. And there's probably some version of that for you that you can do for two or three things. And I'm not saying you're going to get it for everything, but every once in a while you can get lucky and you can just do you can check a few boxes with one action, right? No extra time. And so I think that's a big W. Now I think that you will do the best that you can to manage these things. And at the end of your life, uh you will think to yourself, it would have been nice to do these other things. But when you say that, you do that from the position of having already earned the benefit of your existing trade. And so what we want is the benefits of the trades that we did not make and the benefits of the ones that we did. And so we look at the benefits of a different priority being first and then saying, man, it would be nice if I was also hyperspiritual. It would also be nice if I was in the best shape. It would also be nice if I had the best marriage. It would also be nice if I was a great parent. It would also be nice, etc., etc. But you can't you can't trade everything in. And so basically like you get to pick your regrets. You get to pick the things that you say were less important otherwise they will be chosen for you. And I think what's really interesting is whenever I think this to its natural end I think to myself I am the problem. So let me explain. Um I think we always want what we can't have. And I think this is an inherently human trait right? Single people want to be married. Married people want you know uh to be single. Uh people with no kids want kids. People who have kids want a night off. Employees want to start their own business someday. employers are jealous of how their employees can clock out and not take their work home with them. Um there's just countless examples of whatever you don't have is what you want because right now everyone who's listening to this, you have accomplished things that you said would make you happy. Like there is something in your life right now that earlier on in your life you said if I had this I would be happy. And yet here we are. And so whenever I think this I just think like I am the problem. like I am the constant like the the constant source of dissatisfaction is me. Um, and it's just because we want it all. But you you you go to a store where there's 10 amazing shoes and each shoe is $100 and you have $100 in your wallet. And in order to justify our decision, we make everyone else feel bad about buying a different set of shoes than us. when it was just a choice and I don't think there's anything wrong with that because a lot of people I think look at um you know the life that we have which I think is you know super blessed etc. Um, but we've traded other things, you know, we've traded other things and I think that if those things are more important to you, then like good for you. Ser like I to the degree that you can possibly believe a stranger on the internet, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. If you like the priorities that you have, then [ __ ] you won, dude. You won. Like, you won. You've already got it. Like, like, you know, like you're there. Um, I think where people get in trouble is where they allow life to make those priorities for them, right? They make the they don't get to make the choices. They they sit passively by and let options expire. And I think that's if there's anything that that I can hopefully, you know, transfer. It's uh you can be your master of your own life to a degree if you can just say, I'm willing to give up these other things for the things that I care about most. And so, um, that's my that's my my two cents is take those 10 things, rank them one to 10, and then of those, see which one you think is off, as in like, okay, I said this is number two, but I don't think I'm really putting number two out of 10 effort into this. And I'll tell you two for me. I think that I've been I've been not as good of a husband as I probably should have been. I probably should have spent um more time with Ila and I'm going to prioritize doing that and I've started to do that. Um and I think that I've I I have I have a higher desire for friendship than I have in my current life. Like I see friends sporadically. I would say outside of me like lifting, which is basically almost the entirety of the recreational like friend time that I have. Um I had a buddy of mine who was here for my birthday, which was awesome. Um that Ila kind of surprised me with, which is super sweet of her. Um, and those are very like filling to my soul. And I think that um I'm going to make trades in the coming future where I'm going to decrease some of these other stats in order to make some room here where I think that the incremental return that I'll get on losing an hour on call it career and adding an hour somewhere else uh I will have a little bit less but my overall life benefit will be higher. And so I think the the meta of this is the game that you want to play. And so I'll give you an interesting story on this. So I can't remember the name of the founder, but he was on um David Senra's podcast and uh really smart guy, sold his company for like $10 billion, something like that. And he said, "You always want to look for the most dominant game." And I was like, "Huh, that's a really interesting concept." He said, "So for example, MySpace lost to Facebook because Facebook had a more dominant game that they were playing." And so MySpace, for example, wanted to get uh the most uh users. That was the game they were playing. That was the metric they were optimizing around. Facebook was optimizing around monthly active users, MAU, which then became kind of like the social media norm in terms of what so, you know, social platforms are measured by. But that one little misstep in terms of what metric they were optimizing around me meant that Facebook was literally paying playing a superior game. And so in thinking about this concept of like there are there are subset superset games. There are some games that even if you're just playing them, you beat everyone else because the game that you're optimizing for is just a superior game. And so I think that um I think this is entirely individual. But if we look at those 10 categories that I outlined, so I'll repeat them again for those of you who are just joining. Let's see if I can get my little list up. So the list is this. You've got community. You've got romance/partner parenting for your kids. You've got your family, uh, so siblings and your parents. You've got recreation and rest and fun, uh, friends, uh, career, physical health, spiritual, and then personal growth, right? Those are kind of like 10 categories of of living. And I think that some people make their entire game one of them. And I think the I think the larger game is trying to win it life and realizing that each of these are components of it. And I don't know if uh and I think that you will have different and when I say this prioritization thing I like people also have a hard time allowing other people to change because it just makes them it's just intellectually more uh more work and so it's like how dare you change your mind in front of me. How dare you, right? How dare you be really into your physical health and then decide that your your your kids are more important and so you don't work out as much, right? How dare you? And so I think that like people get upset because they're weak. Like people are are pets. Like people people are so small-minded, self-interested, and the things they will say in no way have complete context on your life. And so it's like trying to listen to a hundred people that know two sentences about you. none of their opinions matter because the person who has the most context on you is you. You're the only one who has to live with you. And um I know obviously it's hard because when we're kids, we're raised to listen to other people. And shame has a very good place in society. You should feel bad if you do things that hurt people. And like those things work for enforcing social rules. So it's this very odd, you know, dichotomy between, you know, it's good to have other people on the outside telling you, uh, hey, maybe you shouldn't be a [ __ ] um but at the same time being able to differentiate between call it uh rule uh lawb breaking activity and rulebreaking activity which I see is very different so we have legal laws right that have written out consequences that we have determined like it or not that you have to abide by to live in whatever area you're in right but then there's rule breaking that's spoken and unspoken and so many of you get different cultures different rules your parents had different rules and it's realizing that there are no consequences or the consequences that happen from those rules are not nearly as severe as we think they are. And so the reason that I open the book with offers with only three words, which is there are no rules. I guess that's four words. Um is because it's always a reminder myself of like what rules am I being weighed down by right now that I'm choosing? Like what box am I living in that I'm unaware of that has invisible walls that is keeping me in? And so, uh, with that, I think we can, uh, let me let me get my team my team. Let's do some, uh, let's do some some some Q's and A's. I'm I'm down to do a little bit more life stuff today because that's the mood that I'm in. And so, if you have, uh, I mean, it can be business. Business is life. That works, too. Whatever you whatever you guys need, I'm uh, I'm here. So, let's uh, let's do this. All right. I'm going to read this one. All right. So, my name is Brian. My family owns an aerospace parts manufacturing company. We did 30 million in revenue last year, and I want to grow it to 100. I'm stuck in the middle of a family conflict. My parents co-own the business and wants to sell it. They own 51% so they control the decision. U while the other wants to keep it and grow. Okay. I grew up uh being told to never join the family business because of how much stress it puts on the relationship, but I joined anyway. Now, one parent won't teach me their side of operations. So if they left, I wouldn't know how to run that part of the company. How do I convince my parents to keep the business and let me help scale it instead of selling it out from under me? You ask an interesting question because I honestly don't think it's your I don't think it's your choice. So I I'll give you two different answers to this. I think from a moral perspective, I think your parents have earned the right to do whatever the [ __ ] they want with their business. Can you imagine like for a second imagine just play this out for a moment imagine you know acquisition.com we're 30 30 years in the future right we're doing a gazillion dollars and you know the kid that I have is like how do I convince my dad to not sell the business I'd be like bro this isn't your [ __ ] call like this is I mean like you've lived a great life this is not your call my two cents now the self-s serving side I will answer this way which is I think defining what we want to have And then I like to ask the question, what would it take? And so if I want something uh from somebody who does not want to give it to me, I ask the question, what would it take? And then they get to name their price. And then that price can be worth it for me or not. And I think often times when you ask what would it take, people assume you are unwilling to pay a price that they have not named. And I cannot tell you the amount of times I've gotten things in life that that most people considered unreasonable because they determined a price that they thought was unreasonable, but they were selling out of their own wallet. Their own wallet of time, their own wallet of money, their own wallet of trade-offs, their own wallet of embarrassment, of shame, of guilt, of whatever price they thought that I was unwilling to pay to get the thing that I wanted. And so I would I would really start with the question of um what do I want to have happen? Uh, number two, what would it take? And then number three, I would ask them what they want. Now, I'll be I'll I'll give you like a layer underneath of this for your parents. Um, which is that no one sells a company because they want to sell a company. Selling a company is incredibly painful. It's a very long process. There's lots of lawyers. It's not that fun. They're selling the company because of what they believe the benefit of selling the company is. And so, the idea would be, how can I help you get what you want without selling the company? And there's a lot of different structures that you can do where you could buy it from them. You can get a lender. You could do an ESOP um if they want a liquidity event. Maybe they just want their time back. Like there's a lot of other levers that you can use um to help them get what they want. And I think that's pretty cool. And so, uh on one angle, from a moral side, I think it's their call. On the like if you want to get what you want side, then I would go at it from like what do you want to have happen? And I know what I want to have happen. They want this to happen. Great. Can I get that another in any other way besides uh you selling the company? The answer is yes. I can almost guarantee you at the size you're at. Um and then underneath of that, like what would it take for me to get what I want? Just tell me the price and then I'll decide if it's worth it or not. All right, Brandon. Uh what would it take for you to feel 10 out of 10 on all priorities? Um I don't think so. Actually, I'll answer the question in reality. I think that you can feel 10 out of 10 on the priorities if you know that they're not all priorities. because when I made my list, eight out of the 10 I felt like I had appropriately checked boxes for and you know to a degree so I'll give you a simple example um community is one um and business is one for me but the actual thing like when I when I do content like this I think it helps more than one person it helps a community and to be fair it's just a digital community of entrepreneurs but I can't go to the corner and be like put a sign up says hey entrepreneurs we can do that on the internet and So, I help my people, which matters a lot to me. Um, but it also has a business benefit. And so, it's like you can you can check multiple boxes. Who decided to join us? >> I want to see what you're doing. >> Yeah, I'm just uh hanging. We're just chilling. >> Shortless. >> Shortless. Yeah, this is fans. >> Only Alex coming to uh I got Yeah, feed pics coming soon. Please subscribe. And >> why is your phone vertical? >> Yeah, we tried to. It's a long story. I we I jump started like two two of these and it didn't work and so I was like, "Fuck it. Whatever, >> man. Amateur hour." You know what I'm saying? >> Yeah, I know. Whatever. Okay. Uh, >> what do you what's your topic today? >> Uh, life stuff. I actually just opened it up. We're going We're going wide today. That was the mood I was in. All right. >> I'll sit next to you. >> Cabo Sharia asks, "I am confused in my life. I am average. What should I do?" >> Um, I think you should pick the thing that matters most to you and then be willing to sacrifice on the things that matter less. And I think when a lot of people are average, it's because they try to do all 10 things at once and then in so doing, they never really accomplish any of the ones that really mattered most. And so I I I doubt that if I name those 10 priorities that I said earlier, all 10 are equal in value to you. I seriously doubt that. And so if all 10 are not of equal value, but you are giving them equal attention, then you have a less optimized life for you. For you, not for anyone, but for you. Um, okay. >> Let me pick. >> Okay, this is the next one. >> Did you ever have a hard time Leaving friends behind. >> I'll come next to you. >> Okay. >> I'm too big for you to be too close to me. >> Well, we're going vertical. We're going vertical. Here we go. >> Maybe we need to make out to make it close enough. >> That is That is That would be not the right thing to do in here. What did you say? >> Did you have a hard time leaving friends behind? >> Yeah. Yeah, of course. >> Is the baby going to be as hairy as Alex? [ __ ] you. >> Is that one of the Did you just Oh, is that one of like what >> [ __ ] >> probably. Yeah. Yeah, we have we have Yeah, it's going to be hair. >> I lasered my body, so >> it's going to come out naturally with back hair. It'll be great. >> Um >> probably what was Okay, the question was uh do you have a hard time leaving friends behind? >> Yeah. >> Um yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that honestly I felt really betrayed by a lot of friends um throughout my life. And and when I say betrayed, it was like I think it was just like I thought that they were on my team. And I think that's why I've spoken so much about this publicly, which is that I I realized that the vast majority of people want you to do well, just not better than them. And that's really tough to hear. And I'm fortunate that I have a handful of friends in my life now who actually have known for the majority of my life and who have been fans. And I say that in a formal way, just like they've wanted, you know, they've just every time I won, they were just like, "Hell yeah, man." Um, and they just didn't see it as competitive because they didn't see the world as a zero sum game or comparative in terms of status. Um, and so what about you? >> Did I have a hard time leaving Friends behind? >> Not back in the day. I want to say like in my 20s I didn't have a hard time. I would say now I would probably have a hard time because I think >> I see different value to friends. Like I used to think that I could only have friends who were as ambitious or successful as me. And then I realized there's a lot of different measures of like what adds value to a friendship. Like I would say like support emotionally, um cheering you on, you know, funny, someone you can relax with, decompress with. So like I don't I have way more variety of like what I consider to be acceptable for friends. But I will say like I don't think I've had a hard time cutting off somebody that I felt like didn't root for me. I'll just that that does not hurt. >> Yeah. So I'll I'll answer it in the most specific way possible. It has not been hard for me to do it. I've just been heartbroken when I had to. >> That's a good way to put it. >> Yeah. Like the decision was made, but I just felt bad. Uh happy birthday. Thank you. Uh thank you for all the great advice and value. Can we never Oh, okay. Thanks. Um, Daniel Nush, uh, how do I define luck? Probability of a good thing that happens to you, and if it does happen to you and it's a low percentage, it's good luck. Um, and how do you how do you overcome luck? By the way, everyone, ladies and gentlemen, you roll the dice a shitload of times. That is how you do it. If you roll uh a 20s dice and you get 20 on your first roll, you are lucky. If you roll it uh a 100 times and you get it 20 once, people might call you unlucky because it took you that many times, but the world only cares that you rolled it 20. Real like if you only need to get one really good thing to happen, you can try a shitload of times because you have unlimited shots. Like you literally just need air, water, and food in order to take more shots. And I think for some reason that people have this idea that it somehow costs more to to try. What have you learned about the difference between exerting your will on life and allowing life to reveal where you should go? That's a good label question >> because you don't know what to say or because >> No, I thought you you you told this you said this whole year was about like you know acceptance and like things that were out of your control. >> Well, >> you got pregnant this year. I don't know if you remember that. That was a big deal. Um >> yeah. Um I think that what well what I think that has taught me uh the last 2 three years has taught me is that you can exert your will all you want but I think that there's an illusion of control that we create but I don't think that we have as much control as we wish that we had and dealing with like all the health issues I had two years ago and now getting pregnant which was a surprise. My whole life had to change because of both of those things. >> How did it happen? >> The stork came. There's a stork that comes and gives an egg. >> Jesus Christ. >> I touched your hair. Oh, there's another one. All right. >> Um, I think what it means is like things are going to happen that are outside of your control and outside of your discipline or willpower. And it's a matter of recognizing when that has happened. It's like the serenity prayer. It's like that I relate to so much, which is like um I think if you apply that to life then >> some people might not know what the serenity prayer is. >> I know. I was just like, am I going to mess it up? >> Go for it. >> Yeah, we >> Well, you went to Alanon. Did they do it there? >> Yeah. >> What is it? >> Oh my god. Hold on. >> The wisdom to know the difference. The courage to change the things that we can't. >> We wish for >> the courage to change the things we can. >> Yeah. Patience. >> The something to accept the things we can't and the wisdom to know the difference. >> There you go. Okay. How do you take care of your wife? Those seems like two different things, but um I mean I think you just ask pretty simple on that one. Like what do you need? >> Protect provide. >> Yeah, I don't know. That's I thought that's pretty easy one. Um Swiggy Swoozy, what are your hobbies? What do you enjoy doing? Has to be not workrelated. Yeah, I lift. Big big on big on working out. I've enjoyed doing that for a long time. I also enjoy hanging out by the pool. Here we are. Um, I do that. I like nice views. Um, so I'd say views and fitness are probably the the two things that I do for fun that are not workrelated. Besides that, I love a good a good television show if we can get one in that we like. >> We hang out a lot. >> Yeah, Leila and I hang out a lot. We do a lot of walks. We walk a lot. I'd say if I'm like 85 years old, looking back on our marriage, like what I will remember is our walks. >> Yeah, that's true. That's like I feel like our marriage has been just one >> just like find places to walk. >> It's just been one long walk because I think that's where at least I feel like we have our best conversations is walking. Some people like it's you know conversations with your driving or conversations you're walking. I would say like there's the two times and I I get our best conversations in because it's like you have just enough focus that you're you know there's no distractions. You're not on your phone and there's no one around and you just get to be present with each other. And I feel like Leila and I could like walk forever because we walk for hours and hours and hours. And that's Leila's contribution to making sure that I live long. Or that is the hope. Uh, how do we find a Laya? >> I didn't find me. >> You found me. >> Yeah, I guess I found you. >> That's right. That's right. Be be findable. >> Didn't I have to message you first? >> You did. You did. >> I messaged you on Bumble. >> See, you got to have inbounds. I'm telling you guys, got to go inbound. You don't >> I didn't want to be on Tinder. I thought it was really This is like, you know, 10 years ago, but Tinder was nasty. Bumble was like the upscale dating app because I would open it up. I know. But Tinder, it used to be like you open up, it's just dicks. >> What? That was it. It was just like messages. I'm like, I don't know if you think that girls like this, but they don't. Um, and then Bumble, the girl has to message the guy first in order to allow him to message her. and then Dicks >> and we would not be sitting here. >> Um, no, I'll get the I think I think the reality is that like most people don't try very hard at anything. And if we think of the relationship that has the highest correlation with your subjective wellbeing, there's a 0 71 correlation to the quality of the relationship you have with your significant other and your self-determined subjective wellbeing. Meaning how happy you are has a 71% correlation with how much you like your spouse. That's what that means. And so you think about all the [ __ ] that you have in your life and you've got one thing that's got a 0 71 correlation with it. Like probably worth going on more than five [ __ ] dates. And so I think one one of the things I admire about Ila is that she did she was like committed to doing one first date a week of just like I'm going to go I'm going to you know go have fro yo or go have coffee or whatever the thing is. So and she just was like yep not the guy for me I'll go to the next date you know and just was like so so militant about that and that's how she got like volume negates luck. Like you have to talk to more people. Like think about like imagine for a moment that you have one hire and you have to stick with them for the rest of your your business as your partner. Like are you gonna are you going to interview five people and just pick one? But like that's how most people are living their romance lives. It's like okay, you know, I went on I went on three dates. It's like dude, just go out there. And of course there's like ah guys are getting shot down and it's harder than ever. It's like okay well you know there's there's it's both sides there. like get in shape, you know, be gainfully employed, don't smell bad, and then take a lot of shots. >> Yeah. Like you can wish the world it were different or say that it's not fair. And you know what? You're probably right. It also doesn't really matter. Not for you. World's not going to change for you. So it's like this is the game we play. And like you can hate the rules, but it's not going to change the game. >> Thanks. You're really like keeping the energy high here. Uh, you mentioned >> post lunch insulin drop. You know what? Here we go. The baby's taking my energy. >> Sapping the life from me. That's right. He's being strong. That's right. Keep going. Keep going, buddy. Suck the life out. All right. Uh, you've mentioned your goals are what matter more than anything else in the world when defining love. Um, how do you figure out your goals? How do you know those are your true goals? Um, I don't think you're going to know what your quote true goals are because it means you have to have like some objective like how would you find out? Like one of the saying that I like a lot is that there's there's many ways up the mountain. It's another way of saying there's a lot of ways to skin a cat, which is if you look at a mountain and there's three or four paths up the mountain and they all get you there, is any path one more correct than another? One might be faster, one might have more rocks, but all the paths might get you to the top of the mountain. And if that's the case, then like were you wrong by taking one path? And so if you if you have two or three versions of your life, the likelihood is that you probably would be okay with most of them. And so we delayed these decisions. Like people sit at the bottom of the mountain never taking a first step because they're they think that they have to pick the correct path when all of them will still take them there. and delaying it is what's actually preventing you from hitting your goals more than picking the right path. >> I think it's also >> that was pretty good. That sounded nice. >> The last line was pretty zingy. >> It was zingy thinking about it was like how do you figure out your goals and know they're your true goals? It's like >> what's a true goal? >> What is it? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It's like how do you even know what a true goal is? It's like a goal that's in line with your values, a goal that is in line with the life you want to live. Like I think it's difficult to I think sometimes we have too much introspection. Yeah. And you just have to go out and try stuff. I mean, that's what chapter three in the book. >> You don't learn by watching. You don't learn by reading. You learn by attempting. So, it's like, you're not going to even know if they're your true goals unless you go after it relentlessly. >> Like, how do you know? How do I know I want something? Well, do you want it? >> Yeah. >> Okay. One of my favorite uh So, on the backs of boats, they name these boats like weird names. And come closer to me. >> You're a little a little sweaty. >> That's all right. Um on the back of boats, there's this these little sayings that they named the boat. And one of my favorite ones ever was uh never analyze your pleasures. Um and I just love that because it was just like you want what you want. Like what's the point in like saying like oh why do I like vanilla more than chocolate? Who cares? And how would you know? You like what you like. Okay. Uh how do you overcome a trade-off in priorities that you made in the past and regret now? I think you just start fixing it now. like it the the the ch changing priorities will change and so there's going to be a moment where your life is in conflict or uh where you feel this disconnect uh with how you're living and how you want to live and at the point that you made the decision that disconnect wasn't there it was fine and then at some point it switches and so for example Leila's gonna be working less now that we have you know a son on the way and I will also be working less and do I regret working more earlier Not really. Things change. Now, if I kept doing that, then I would probably feel like I was, you know, disconnected or whatever. >> Yeah. I think it's difficult to say like also, how do you overcome a trade-off you made in the past? It's like, well, you're here, so you have overcome it. Like, it's just I think it's more of a question of like saying, I feel guilty, right? Beat yourself up. >> Yeah. It's like you're beating yourself up, which when you beat yourself up, you steal all the energy from yourself to move forward into the new thing. So, you're actually just, you know, hurting yourself twice in that situation. How many years did it take you to develop the skill of confronting the hard task? Especially when you're confronting the hard task and the more unknown unknowns pop up. >> I do not think that takes years. I think that takes days. >> Yeah. Or seconds. >> People really like if you study anything about behavior change, people really really overestimate how long it takes to change. What it is is that the fear, the anticipatory fear or anxiety you have of the hard task or of the change that you want to make, it is an illusion. And it creates this illusion that the change that you're going to make is going to take years and be incredibly hard. And there's all these things. But the reality is that your mind is disproportionately creating that illusion so that you stay comfortable in the present because our brains are meant to survive, not to succeed. And it wants to keep you safe. But the reality is it's like most change does, it only takes days. I mean, I can tell you as somebody who's done a lot of therapy, it's like you'll have things you're scared of or haven't done in years and then you do it three days in a row and suddenly doesn't even matter anymore. It's irrelevant. >> Great saying I have is fear is a mile wide and an inch deep. >> Your dick stealing my [ __ ] quotes. >> It's a good quote. >> It's a good quote. I don't know where that one >> I don't know where they came from. Me. >> I don't know. Probably heard it from someone else >> probably. Um, hey Alex and Ila, if you had to retire from business today, what would you do daily and what would be your goal? >> Farmer. >> Yeah, that's actually we were talking about that the other day. >> Yeah. Buy buy a ranch. Take care of land. >> Yeah, cuz you like you need to have something to do. So even if it's not business, like you got to have something to do. And I think that um working the land, seeing the observable change in what you did. So you'd be like, I plowed from there to there today. I, you know, moved the couch from there to there. like just the like you have visible proof of the work that you did and for a very short period of time I had to remodel one of my own gyms and I didn't have enough money to do it and so I did a lot of the remodel like jacking the lenolium off the floor laying the rubber down like it's it was it was hard work but I remember um when I did it uh and like every day because I did it over like Christmas break so that I could do it while my clients were were out or whatever. Um I I could see the change on the floor. It be like I went from there to there and then I went from there to there and there was no like shortcutting the work. It was just like I couldn't like clock in for eight hours and the work would get done. Like I had to work. And I remember the satisfaction I had at the end of those days that I remember thinking to myself like in another life I could do this. Like I just really enjoyed that. Um it was just very and not this life but I could do that in another life. >> I worked on a horse farm for a few summers when I was in high school. I think there's something about taking care of animals like take care of live things. Like in many ways like when you have a business you like take care of customers or employees. I think farming, it's like you take care of the animals and the land and it's just something to do. You can't do nothing. >> All right, this is a big one. Uh, do I feed my kids or spend money on ads? I think it's obviously spend money on ads. That's not even close, >> bro. >> I mean, how much food do they really need, right? That's why we have that's why we have stores, right? Just in case, you know, you know, in the wild, people didn't eat three times a day. obviously feed your kids. Jesus. Um, but I do think that if you make that a uh either this or that, there's probably other things that you're spending money on that are outside of food and shelter that you could probably cut out so that you can invest in the stuff you want. Okay. Uh, I'm in a relationship with the love of my life, but she brings out the worst in me. It's not her fault. She just makes me so comfortable and kills my ambition and drive to achieve. What do I do? >> That's so interesting. >> Very interesting. Have I ever killed your ambition? >> No. >> Not once. >> Wonder why that is >> ever? >> Cuz I think I think we're comfortable with each other. I mean, obviously. >> Well, it's just we have a different I think relationships are different, but in ours like you've always just like dreamed bigger for me. You've always been like you can be bigger than that. Like like this is not what this is not the end. This is not the last chapter of the story. Like we're just getting started. like you just she like Ila's always breathed a lot of belief in me. >> Um >> that's fair. I mean maybe she just doesn't know how to do that and needs somebody needs that to be communicated. >> Well, it sounds like she has different priorities. It sounds like she like if she's comfortable with the way you live now, it means that you have different goals than than she does. And not necessarily that's wrong. It's just that that needs to be reconciled at some point. >> How do we know that though? Because it might just be that like he's reinforcing her for keeping him comfortable at the same time. But I feel like if he had different goals, like if she wanted more from him, she would probably say that. >> Oh, well that's fair. Yeah, that's fair. Okay. >> So, I think that you have to decide whether you want your goals or so we got options here. Option one. >> Well, option one, communicate. >> Yeah, that that's what I'm saying. >> Okay. I was like, "Don't break up." >> No, I'm not saying you break up. I'm saying like, "Let her know." And then I would ask her to support you in this goal. And on some level, you have to have some discipline to do it on your own. And to me, if you can just get back on track, cuz sure, maybe you're in love or in lust and there's chemicals and all that stuff, but then like at some point, things will kind of stabilize a little bit. And then at that point, if you're like, "Hey, this is what I want to do with my life." As long as she doesn't like dissuade you from doing that and say like I want our lives to look different from a day-to-day perspective than you do, then I think you're fine. But if she says, "Fuck that noise." Then you have to make a tough call of which one when you're 85 years old you'll look back on and regret more. >> Oh, shoot. I got to go take a call. >> Oh, go take a call. >> You're on it soon. >> Oh, I'm on that call, too. All right. So, I'm going to do last last one. All right. Oh, Alex, Ila, do you think you would be successful if you started in the United Kingdom? >> That's a dumb question. >> Like, what do you want me to say here? Like, what do you The question I have about this question is what do you what are you going to get out of it? Out of my answer. Let's play out both scenarios. Let's say I say yes, I think I'd be successful in the United Kingdom. Then you might be like, well, you don't really understand how hard it is here. There's tall poppy syndrome. Uh, you know, it's, you know, it's more anti- business here. Blah blah blah blah blah. Okay. So then you just question my ability to work harder and and suffer and have tolerance of pain. Okay, fine. Um if I say um I don't think I would succeed in the UK, then it's like okay good. I have an excuse now to not try hard. Like we're dealt the cards were dealt and like you can wish for different cards but the hand that you have is the hand that you have. and see play the ones you got. If you're if you're born 5'5 and you want to be seven foot, you can wish for it all you want. You're going to stay the same height, but you can just be like, well, people who are 5'5 live a lot longer than people who are 7 feet tall. Like every position has an advantage. And I think that is like that is what I will leave you with, which is that every position on the board, whether you're the experienced person in a marketplace or you're brand new, has an advantage. And so if you can only see the disadvantage of your position, you have a losing mentality, which means you need to reframe how you're thinking about it. If it's hard in the UK to start a business, guess what? It's hard for [ __ ] your competition, too, right? Which means it's harder for them, which means that you can try a little harder because at the end of the day, who you are competing against is other humans. Like, please take this in. Like, you are just competing against other humans. And even then, you're not even competing against them. You're competing against you. You're competing against the couch. You're competing against distraction. You're competing against uh conflicting goals, conflicting priorities. You're competing against against notifications and and and and Facebook and and all these things that are popping up and distracting you. Like that's what you're actually competing against. If you actually worked like truly worked, truly focused for and I'm going to say a crazy number. If you actually truly dedicated yourself to working for 4 to 6 hours a day, and I mean like put a timer on and the moment you look away, you stop and then restart the timer for truly 4 to 6 hours of work every single day. And I'm saying seven days a week, 28 hours a week of work. Oh my god. Right. You would be a further ahead than most people because most people don't do jack [ __ ] sit in front of the computer and it's just like the the little story I was telling earlier which I'll wrap with which is when I did the little construction and remodel of my gym and I had to, you know, jackhammer the floor and then re relay, you know, the rubber on the flooring and all that stuff and then paint it and all that jazz. I could I could look at the walls, I could look at the floors, I could show up, but like unless I did it, it didn't get done. And I think a lot of people are showing up to work, expecting the work to somehow happen and expecting for life to give them credit for being there. And sure, showing up is half the battle, but the other half is [ __ ] winning and working when you're there. And so I think this question of like would you be successful if you were born in Pakistan or India? Like I don't know. And how does it serve you? Because if you are born in in the third world or UK because like the person who asked this question about this who's in the UK, it's like well you weren't born in Mongolia, bro. You weren't born in in in in subsaharan Africa. So like you're you're in one of the most developed countries in the world. Like you already you already you're already born on on on third base just cuz you're in like a developed country. It's a very small percent. There's there just between the UK and uh the US there's 370 million people out of 8 billion. You got a 4% shot and you've already you've already rolled the dice and got a one out of 25 chance. You're already one out of 25 in terms of your luck right now. And if you're a guy, great. Double that. Now you're one out of 50, right? And so just this idea that you ask the question because you want the excuse for for your current condition, but it changes nothing whether I'm successful or not in Pakistan. Maybe if I'm in in whatever country you're in, maybe I'm not successful. And what does that do for you? It protects your ego. That's what you have to be real about. It protects your ego. So, either you want it or don't, but the blame finger has to go this way because it's the only thing you can control. You might have a disadvantage and there's nothing you can do about it. So, you do what you can, right? You do what you can control. And so I will finish with how I started. Stand tall. Don't crack. Endure. You can die tomorrow. Today you do the only thing you can do. You fight. You rage on. You do what you came to do. You finish what you started. No matter how much it costs, how long it takes, or how much it hurts because you said you would. With that, lock in. Appreciate you guys. Uh, hope you guys had an amazing and enjoyable live and I'll see you guys on the next one.